Still Struggling for Release!


Six years ago I created the bronze sculpture shown above after having a Spinal Cord Simulator implanted to help me control my chronic pain. It was supposed to last 7-10 years. It lasted 4. I sat up all night one night right after that surgery as I struggled to find release of my own pain.

It was first made out of clay and then it was bronzed using the lost wax method. The bronze depicts a dove, struggling, pulling to find release from the muck of stuff that was entrapping the bird of peace. It described on a deeper level my own desire for release from pain.

Yesterday I started with another Pain Management Specialist to find new ways of managing my pain. I have had 4 of them, each one working on another piece of the Kerry Smith puzzle. As the doctor finished combing through the pages of my file, he closed it and said, “you, my friend, have been through it!” I wanted to say, “Duh!”

We then began discussions concerning the government regulatory board clamp down that is happening on narcotic pain Meds because of abuse. He then said to me, “For someone who has gone through as much as you, we will use any means necessary to help you manage your pain. Let’s work together to see what we can do!”

You must understand the weight that was lifted off of my shoulders upon hearing his words! I have had doctors and clinics to change my medication arbitrarily not because of my need but because of external pressure. No message, no nothing, just whammy, medicine diminished or stopped without a word. Now finally, here was a doctor who understood and did not start with his own conclusions, but rather with what I actually needed!

This is but one ongoing battle that exists for those who suffer with chronic pain. To be heard, to have my needs met, to be seen as a human being, worthy of getting fixed rather than a cash cow for the medical profession is such a breath of fresh air. He was truly a beacon in my storm, as I still struggle for Release!

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